


Preconception

by Aurora_bee



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Funny, Gen, Humor, M/M, Season/Series 02 Spoilers, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-28
Updated: 2013-06-20
Packaged: 2017-12-13 06:15:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/820977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aurora_bee/pseuds/Aurora_bee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>5 times Sherlock and John pretended to be a couple and one time they didn't have to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The only reason John had gone along with it was because Mycroft's words hadn't just hurt Sherlock, they'd hurt him. John had known Sherlock didn't have much experience with sex, but the words 'how would you know' coming from Mycroft's mouth made him furious. 

They were in a hotel in Brussels on the pretence of working on a case for Mycroft. The man himself of course had the room next to them.

"We ready then?" John asked from where he was sat at the dressing table drinking a cup of tea and reading. He craned his neck to look at Sherlock who was standing in his stocking feet on the bed. Sherlock nodded, and bounced.

"Oh John." Sherlock moaned as he bounced. John grunted in response.

 

Mycroft lifted an eyebrow in his room. Well that was new, he thought as he flicked on his television to drown out the noise of his little brother. It continued for about twenty minutes. Mycroft was starting to think that he should go down to the bar for a drink when he heard a crack, then a crash.

"Owe!" Sherlock moaned loud enough for Mycroft to hear.

"Bollocks, we've broken the bed." John grumbled. Mycroft hurried over to the door and slipped into his jacket. He decided he really did need a drink, an extra large Whiskey.


	2. Chapter 2

Sherlock sat on the bright purple sofa in the club. The girl he was questioning was moving dangerously close to him. He swallowed hard trying not to look too awkward as her hand snaked around him.

“So you know the barman well?” He asked as she breathed on his neck, he repressed a shudder.

“I know him personally if you know what I mean.” She replied, her lips brushing against his neck.

“Oh.” He mumbled moving away from her as much as he could. Her arm tightened around his waist pulling him toward her. “Yes my friend was looking for him on Tuesday and couldn’t find him.”

“Yeah.” She said moving closer and licking his neck. “I think he was sick on Tuesday.” Sherlock clasped his hand over his mouth covering his sudden urge to throw up. She rested her hand on his leg and trailed her fingers up to his crotch, her knuckles brushing over something that obviously wasn’t interested. Sherlock’s eyes nearly shot out of his head. He coughed violently hoping she would remove it, but if anything she got closer still.

“John!” Sherlock squealed as his saviour returned with the drinks. John looked at where the girls hand was placed and smirked.

“Succurro.” Sherlock said an octave higher than was usual. He stretched his hand out toward John, who placed the drinks on the table in front of them. John took Sherlock’s hand, he was pulled down onto Sherlock’s lap and a chaste kiss was gently pressed against his temple.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” The girl said pulling her hand out from under John’s bottom. She scurried off embarrassed. John got up and sat next to Sherlock.

“Drink up I’m not sticking around. What was that sticking in my arse by the way?” John asked, Sherlock shrugged.

“Must have been my phone.” He replied crossing his legs carefully.


	3. Chapter 3

John scowled as his text alert sounded for what seemed like the 100th time that day.

“Twenty seven.” Sherlock said not looking at John. 

“What?” John snapped plunging his hands in his pockets and staring out of the taxi window. They had been on case and the constant distraction of his phone going off had caused him to miss some obvious clues.

“You’ve had twenty seven texts since 9am. I really think you should reply.” Sherlock said. John sighed, the date with Jill the previous night had gone well but something was a bit off, and now that she kept texting he could see what it was. She was clingy, like a limpet. John turned on his phone and read the latest text.

**Why aren’t you answering, don’t you like me any more?  
Jill**

John banged his head on the taxi window. It was just drinks in a local pub, not a proclamation of love. All things considered he’d had more romantic outings with Sherlock than this woman, and that was saying something.

“You know you should probably get my opinion before going on dates with in the future. I could have saved you some time.” Sherlock said, the side of his mouth turning up in a smirk.

“Then I’d never go out with anyone.” John groaned, he really was stuck between a rock and a hard place. As the taxi turned into Baker Street Sherlock’s eyes lit up.

“It would appear you have a stalker.” Sherlock said staring at Jill waiting outside the door of 221B.

“Oh for f…” John said stopping himself as they pulled up to the kerb. Jill bounded over and opened the taxi door for them.

“John, are you ok? I was so worried when you didn’t answer my texts.” Jill said trying to hug him.

“Look Jill.” John said stepping to the side so Sherlock could get out of the taxi. Jill looked between Sherlock and John for a second and took a step backwards. 

“Is there something you want to tell me?” She asked. John saw his opportunity. 

“Look I’ve been trying to work this all out in my head. I just thought an attractive woman would make me feel differently, but I don’t. Sherlock I love you.” John grabbed Sherlock by the lapels and kissed him clumsily on the lips. Sherlock smiled when John pulled away. “Jill I’m sorry, I hope we can still be friends.” John said trying to look as sincere as he could. Jill nodded in understanding and smiled brightly.

“I’m just so glad that I helped get you two together, you make such a lovely couple.” She kissed John on the cheek and gestured to her ear. “Call me!” With that she walked away and John and Sherlock made their way into the house.

“Sorry about that Sherlock.” John said taking his Jacket off. Sherlock licked his lips.

“It’s fine.” Sherlock replied. “Did you mean it?” John’s eyebrows knitted together wondering for a moment what he meant.

“Oh, of course I did you silly git, you’re my best friend.” He replied with a smile. John walked up the stairs as Sherlock frowned, it wasn’t quite what he meant.


	4. Chapter 4

“It’s ok Mr Watson. We’ll be there in a few minutes.” A voice echoed, John opened his eyes tried to move his head and discovered he was in a neck brace and attached to a spinal board.

“Wha?” John grumbled, his head spinning as he tried to focus, the movement of the ambulance was not helping.

“It’s ok John.” Sherlock said gently touching his arm. “You just fell off your bicycle.” John tried to remember the last thing he had done before waking up. They’d walked to the cycle track by the Thames, he had got on his bike, and that was the last thing he could remember.

“Did a car hit me?” John asked confused, he could hear Sherlock trying to cover a giggle.

“No.” Sherlock replied.

“What happened Sherlock?” John grunted, annoyed with his friend’s amusement.

“You cycled about a hundred yards, stopped. It looked like you were trying to get off when you lost your balance, and hit your head on a fence post.” Sherlock said with a smirk.

“I see.” John replied clearing his throat.

The ambulance stopped at St Barts and the paramedics got John out. Sherlock dashed along at John’s side until one of the paramedics put a hand to his chest.

“Sorry only family from this point on.” He said to Sherlock, who frowned as he looked down at the foreign hand pressing into his chest.

“He’s my husband.” John shouted, wanting someone with him. 

“Oh, sorry about that.” The paramedic said standing aside. Sherlock smiled and walked over to hold John’s hand.

John walked out of the hospital, Sherlock clutching his hand and waved to the paramedic that had brought them in. 

“I think you can let go now Sherlock.” John said with a small smile. Sherlock had been holding John’s hand all afternoon, under the premise of being John’s husband.

“They’re still watching.” Sherlock whispered as they flagged down a cab. John opened the door to get in and extracted his hand from Sherlock’s. John flopped down into the back seat, all in all things hadn’t turned out too badly. John had a lump on his head and skinned both his knees, he’d had more serious accidents when he was a toddler. The only problem now was that he needed someone to stay with him overnight. The obvious choice had been his ‘husband’.

“Sherlock.” John said as the cab pulled away. “Do you think you could keep an eye on me tonight?” Sherlock shrugged, and stared at his own refection in the glass.

“Of course.” Sherlock replied in his deep baritone voice. “But I think you should sleep in my bed.” 

“If you insist.” John replied turning his head away from Sherlock and grinning manically. He didn’t see Sherlock watching his reflection in the window, or the sly smile that followed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't been able to update. Been feeling a bit sorry for myself. I fell off my bike and I'm very achy.


	5. Chapter 5

The toilet in the club was dark and dingy. Sherlock leaned against the wall speaking to his ex dealer Lee, secretly wondering how much his dry cleaning bill would be. Lee leaned in and puffed cigarette smoke on his neck. Sherlock shuddered allowing the man to get closer so that his chapped lips brushed against the soft skin of his neck.

“Do you need a fix?” Lee asked huskily. Sherlock closed his eyes.

“You know what I want.” Sherlock replied. Lee smiled and Sherlock fell to his knees in front of him. The door of the toilets creaked open as someone entered.

“Sorry.” A voice said embarrassed. Sherlock’s eyes flew open in horror. “Shu Shu, Sherlock?” John stuttered. Sherlock stared back at him helplessly. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing!”

“Oh!” Lee said in surprise. John grabbed him by his flimsy designer t-shirt and threw him up against the dirty wall. John used his forearm to restrict Lee’s breathing.

“You ever come near us again, and I’ll kill you.” John said through gritted teeth.

“I didn’t know, Sherlock didn’t tell me he had a boyfriend. I don’t want to be used in this sort of game.” Lee stuttered. John released him and nodded toward the door. Lee took the hint and bolted. John pulled Sherlock forcefully up off the floor.

“I thought you didn’t need drugs anymore.” John stated flatly, looking at the grime on Sherlock’s knees. Sherlock ground his teeth together anger boiling under the surface.

“That’s not what I wanted John.” He replied brushing himself off as best as he could. Suddenly the cogs started to turn in John’s head.

“You wanted to have sex?” John said shocked at his sudden realisation.

“Well done John you may still be able to get your IQ into triple digits.” Sherlock said sarcastically. John frowned in annoyance, he was furious.

“You could have done better than him Sherlock, I mean god knows where he’s been.” John said feeling his stomach drop.

“You don’t seem to have noticed John but not a lot of people like me so I don’t have much choice in the matter.” Sherlock replied.

“I like you.” John replied with a small smile.

“And that’s the whole problem.” Sherlock said shaking his head, walking around his best friend who was seemingly oblivious to his feelings.

“Wait!” John said grabbing Sherlock’s arm. “Do you want to do that with me?” John said feeling a delicious tremor run through his spine. Sherlock looked at him blankly. “Do you think I’m better than him?”

“By far.” Sherlock replied. John pulled him down and kissed him softly on the lips. After a moment they broke the kiss and stared into each others eyes.

“You should have just told me you berk. I mean I don’t have the IQ to work these things out myself.” John said with a wink. Sherlock smirked.

“I think we should probably return to Baker Street and continue this when I’ve taken this filthy suit off.” Sherlock said.

“Sounds very good to me.” John said taking Sherlock’s hand and grinning like a Cheshire cat.


	6. Chapter 6

Lestrade looked at the two men in front of him, Sherlock Holmes and John Watson. They’d been on a case in some godforsaken town that he couldn’t remember the name of. The case had lead them to a gay friendly guest house, which only had two rooms left, one single and a double.

“Come on then John, we’ll take the double.” Lestrade started, John raised an eyebrow in amusement.

“Why would John want to share a bed with you?” Sherlock asked confused.

“I thought it might be better than the alternative.” Lestrade laughed.

“Really?” John replied snaking his arm around Sherlock’s waist. Lestrade’s jaw dropped.

“You’re having me on aren’t you?” Lestrade said after he closed his mouth.

“Might be.” John sniggered. “You’ll just have to let us know the answer in the morning. Your room is next to ours.”

 

Lestrade looked down at his bacon and eggs and shuddered. No man should ever have to hear his best friends do those sorts of things to each other.

“Good morning Greg.” John said sitting down opposite him. Greg blushed and stuffed a mouthful of bacon into his mouth. Sherlock sauntered into the room looking sheepish. Greg looked up and noticed the love bites Sherlock was trying to cover with his shirt collar.

“You alright Sherlock?” Lestrade asked. Sherlock sat down at the table and nodded.

“Just toast for me.” He said to the waitress. 

“So?” John said rubbing his hands together as a full English breakfast was placed in front of him. “Still think we’re having you on?”

“I’ve only ever heard Sherlock make that noise one before. When he solved a triple homicide in less than two minutes, so it must have been good.” Lestrade answered flatly.

“Oh you think I’m as good as a triple homicide, that’s flattering.” John said beaming at Sherlock who smiled in return.

“Actually I think I’ll give the toast a miss. I have a bit of a sore throat.” Sherlock said sipping his tea.

“It was all that screaming.” Lestrade giggled, sipping his orange juice.

“It was probably the blow job I gave John.” Sherlock said innocently as Lestrade spat his orange juice all over him.


End file.
